hystericalcheezit

I literally cannot rate this. It was supposed to be a high rating for me. I mean, it started out at a three and then I finally caved and decided four, but then the fucking ending happened. I resisted throwing the book, because I decided I'd finish the last ten pages and find out whether I still wanted to. I didn't; the epilogue mellowed me out a little. But then I gave into the tears -- and I mean, I gave in. The last few books I read made me sniffle and tear up and wipe tears off my face.

This one made me outright sob. I mean outright outright. I spent all night Thanksgiving Eve -- well, technically it was 3am Thanksgiving Day -- and cried. And cried. And CRIED. Myself to sleep. Because it was supposed to have a happy ending. There was supposed to be joy and help and resolution and...healing, and...but there wasn't. And if I had known it wouldn't end well, I wouldn't have put myself through it at all, because the lives in this book, the troubles of the characters, are some things I myself have seen firsthand and I didn't do anything in real life because I didn't know about it until it was too late but this...this book, was supposed to be a way I could heal, and forgive myself.

But instead I spent all night sobbing into my pillow, having to breathe deeply through my nose around my crying instead of hiccuping to keep my brother in the next room from hearing my anguish. I mean, this book was exhausting to read, okay. It literally took me four and a half hours to read halfway, the first 194 1/2 pages. But I loved it and then...and then? So no. I can't rate this, because out of rage and indignation and blinding pain, I want to rate it one-star. But then I also want to put it on my six-star shelf and wave it high because it really got to me -- even without the horrid closing. 

So:

Don't listen to the reviews on the back of this book that call it "funny and satirical". Because it isn't. I mean, I guess it is? But that's definitely not the heart of it. A satire is a thing to make fun of other things, basically, and this is supposed to bring light on the lives of the riches of Fox Glen and drugs and the rich in general and youth in general, and it does, but not really in a light and happy way. Not really in a...satirical way. You know what I mean? A satire is supposed to make you cry, and laugh a little,and be like, yeah, I realize that is a problem, and I'm going to do something about it. Or at least think about it. And want to help. Even if I can't.

IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO FUCKING RIP YOU TO SHREDS. Which is what it fucking did to me.

So no. No. I can't rate this. I'm going to try to forget about it instead. 

If you want to be killed by grief and the injustice of this world, go ahead and read it. But steel yourself, I beg of you. Don't be me. Don't spend the entire morning of a holiday crying for a book instead of letting your family drive you to it later ('cause we all know relatives are cruel and the holidays are a joke in themselves). Prepare yourself for devastation.

(As for the book itself...Someone called it wordy. I'm pretty sure that was the point. I loved it, actually. The style and everything. And the characters. For a little while they fool you into believing they're completely different than they actually are, especially the Wellses.)

I thought this book was going to disappoint me -- I really, truly did, especially for a certain portion of the book -- but it didn't. It did, however, kill my favourite character (who I thought was going to be part of the disappoint but HA HA HA DEAD INSTEAD), but everything I watch/read nowadays does that. So.

Also apparently I'm too smart for science fiction. I figured a lot of things out before they were even mentioned. Oops?

tHIS BOOK IS SO FUCKING AMAZING.

THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE WRITTEN LIKE THAT.

Anyway, this book. It led me one way then led me another aND IT'S JUST REALLY GOOD.

IT DOESN'TNEED A REVIEW.

JUST GO READ IT.

TRUST ME ON THIS.

Also I normally loath first person narratives, and even the ones I enjoy are iffy sometimes, but I loved it through and through. So it gets the props of all props for that.

The rating of this book demands explanation. These two stars don't mean it was bad. In fact, I did enjoy this book. Kind of, anyway, but it just...doesn't deserve three stars, although three stars stand for "I liked it". It just doesn't.

I'm confused about how I feel. I'm not conflicted - I'm genuinelyconfused. When I began this book, I thought - yeah. Three stars - but then as time wore on it became four, and then...around 230? 240?...

  it became a two star read. It isn't a bad book. It deserves any love it gets. However, it didn't do it for me. I don't think it's the fact that I've read so many books (and watched a lot of movies/shows) like this, although perhaps I would've loved it more if I hadn't just read the AMAZING Throne of Glass one mere month ago. It's just that the beginning gave me such high hopes that this would be astounding and then it wasn't. I realized that within chapter one, too, as a matter of fact. 

If there's one huge thing I hate in a book and just can't tolerate it's unnecessary, over-abundant, overwhelming redundancy and I strove forward, feeling my heart sink, hoping it was just a fluke...but it wasn't. Don't get me wrong, though. The repetition in this book is nothing compared to bunches of other books I've read.

As for the characters? I thought they were done rather well. Not exactly original backgrounds, of course, but still refreshing in their own right. I can't decide whether my favourite character is Magnus or Jonas, mostly because Jonas doesn't get enough page-time for me to have really made a decision. What I really want is for Magnus and Jonas to end up working together and for Lucia and Cleo to meet. The latter has to happen eventually, but the first would make me oh so happy. 

The world-building was done really well -- maybe not really well, but I could picture things, though not as clearly as I would have wished but that's not this book's fault. It's Throne of Glass's because all I could imagine while reading were the places in it instead of Mytica.

And the plot: I predicted many, if not all, of the things that happened, and all of the background and stuff, which may have been part of the problem? This book managed to fit a lot of cliches and tropes, maybe all of the kingdom-book ones (high fantasy? is that what this is? i've no clue) there are. Still, despite that, the stories and intricacies are nice. My favourite parts were the story of the goddesses the old woman tells, and the brief moments at the Sanctuary. The passage of time in this book is done so that POVs overlap, and I really enjoyed that. I loved knowing what was happening as everything else was happening -- having a clear timeline in my head.

I think I've covered everything I wanted to.

TL;DR: Don't be fooled by my rating. It's not a bad book, just kind of mediocre and you might even love it. It just didn't do it for me, disappointed me a little, because I thought it was going to be better, but it is worth a read. So go for it, yo. (It's also a rather quick/easy read. Kinda perfect for NaNo-time, to be honest.)

I love this series oh so much. It has all the things I love. I mean, it's full of tropes and not really stereotypes but -- things we see in writings often often often. Like lots of crying and being able to see pupils dilate. I've looked it up man -- they dilate so fucking minimally that's it impossible to see them do such, and especially from a great distance. But I mean...this series is just so wonderfully imaginative and the characters are ARRGHHH and the world-building is ARGGHHH and everything is so so good. The writing actually isn't...special, you know? It isn't "spectacular" or anything like that. It's normal writing, but it's...the way it's arranged -- it makes you feel what you're supposed to be feeling and...it's just fun, okay. I hate fragmented sentences, incomplete ones, and that's all this book is made up of, and yet it doesn't bother me. It's part of what makes the book itself, you know?

And I'm just freaking dying for the next one. 

(Also the dynamic between Wolf and Scarlet is one of my favourite trope-y dynamics. Same with Thorne and Cinder, oh my goodness.)

I just want to forget about this book so it stops hurting.

My stomach is...it's hard to explain what I'm feeling right now because I was reading, and it felt like...I was reading quickly and excited and laughing aloud andit's so gay it's p a i n f u l and I flipped the page and

and suddenly it was over.

And I hadn't expected it to be over. To end just...abrupt, like that. And I guess...it just really really is agonizing? Because I want to know how Cath is going to end Carry On, and I want to...Oh, I don't know. This book was lovely, though, and...God. At the start of it, it was an immediate six-star read/book for me, because I related to Cath so HARD and it felt like she was me, we were we, one, and...then about halfway -- like exactly halfway -- the magic just...died. I stopped relating is what it is, I guess. Maybe it was because I read everything except for the last 140 pages yesterday (mostly after midnight, actually), and so maybe it was just overload? I don't know; but it was just a flare of non-power, and I went to bed in the middle of a chapter, and a when I woke up today and read on...the magic came back, full fucking power. So I still don't know what to rate it. Four stars? It seems with as much as I related and as much as I loved it and how it made me feel...it should have five stars, and beyond and on and on and on...and yet...

I guess it's just that Cath and I started out so strong, and then we just weren't alike anymore. She didn't do things, as time passed on, the way I would have. I mean, obviously there's major differences between us, but it was just like...I was being let down, you know? Like I was being disappointed, somehow, and yet...my expectations were exceeded at the same time? It was a magic experience regardless, okay, but still. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my favourite parts of the book were the Simon series (and fic) excerpts. There was something so...well, magical, of course, in them. But also something that just spoke to me spoke to me spoke. to. me. It was wonderful, feeling like that. 

Also - I fucking loved the references to stuff. Like, this book referenced, talked about shit, that most books, even shows and movies, don't. Like I went to see the new X-Men movie with Kelly, and I was convinced the whole time that Professor X and Magneto were in love. Because that movie means so much to me! It's the movie my friend Olivia introduced me to that introduced me to the world of slash shipping (and how it was acceptable/cool) and fandom in general and is the reason I blame her for all my fucking problems. So reading that meant a lot, because it's the reason why I am a "Fangirl". It's the reason everything's so goddamned slashy for me now. The reason why Simon/Baz spoke to my fucking heart and cut my through in through (in a totally [mostly anyway] pleasurable way). 

It's the reason why I can read this book and Relate.

So, yeah. And the characters, of course, were diverse and astounding and even realer than the realest characters I've ever read, because they felt like people they knew. Wren and Cath felt like me and my cousin, for the most part. The way they love each other, the way they are, is a lot like me and her and...And, I mean, I don't have a Reagan, not like, a REAGAN-Reagan, but...

This book is real, okay. And it's fucking important. I bet there are thousands of people around the world who can relate to this shit so fucking hard. And that's...special. Because it's different than other books. It feels like I can reach in it and pull Simon and Baz out, like that's a real series that we all grew up on, like it's actually a part of us.

It's probably stupid. I probably sound stupid. But for me, it's very very true. Also the writing?? Fucking A.

(I would recommend to: fangirls/boys. everyone, really. especially teenagers who feel lost, or people who aren't lost, people with kids, people without kids, people who are kids at heart or actually are, people who are people, people who are grown up and not, people who are people, people who want kids, people who don't want kids. people who want to understand and want to be understood. P E O P L E !!!)

If I had read this seven years ago, or, hell, five, it would probably be a five-star read. The characters are absolutely wonderful - I loved Lou and Max back then, and I adore them now -- and the plot is pretty fun, and the sexual tension/relationship between Max and Lou is what I enjoyed so much about reading this book. When I was a kid, I loved this shit. This series was the BOMB for me, because 1. VAMPIRES and 2. The characters and (most important) 3. The sex. When I was younger, like fucking ELEVEN, I just read read read all the smutty (cough Intrigue) books and loved the shit out of it because, I don't know, sex scenes and dynamics and that ~tension~ between two characters was my thing. I even wrote a bit like it, and...whatever. I've matured, changed, and a shit ton of smex doesn't do it for me anymore, doesn't make a good book automatically. BUT! Maggie is like, the fucking QUEEN of sexual tension and the sex scenes themselves, okay. And back then, Max and Lou were my favourite duo of the series and that has not changed. I still adore them. 

However, and I don't know if it's just this book or if it has always been like that, but the writing wasn't all that great. I mean, it had it's ~amazing~ moments (especially the sexy things, to be honest, but scenery and witty comebacks), but...How many times do the characters need to sigh? It must have always been like this for Maggie, because when I was younger, I, too, was a victim of sigh-syndrome. My characters were constantly sighing and shrugging. But, seriously, there was one page in this book that must have had "Max sighed" on it, like, five times. And I'm not even exaggerating! 

Anyway, it was nice to delve into this series again, a series I had enjoyed so much as a "kid". I will forever appreciate how all the characters' stories entwine so delicately, and also how you can tell a POV just by the way things change in the writing -- their personalities shine through. It's astounding, lovely. I have a deep appreciation for things like that. It's just -- the characters, man. Maggie does them well, makes them diverse, makes them real. Also, I feel I should mention that this was one of those "backburner" books for me. It's literally sitting behind my chair on a table, to reach for whenever I get desperate enough aka don't know what the hell to do with myself. And also it's one where I constantly skip forward (sighing terribly) and skim scenes and then go back to where I am then go back skipping forward, reading like five pages at a time, hundreds of pages ahead of where I actually am, so I knew how this book ended like....three months ago, and all the scenes in-between, but I hadn't actually read it (until 2am this morning), so I didn't want to mark it down as read.

In conclusion: Woulda been better if I had read it as a kid, but characterization is A+++ (minus all the sighing and shrugging).

3.25 stars (because that should totes be a thing), for the surprising amount of emotional duress (not caused by my distaste/dislike/absolute hatred for the writing/plot/etc, that is) I experienced during the course of this book, specifically regarding Newt and my accidental care for him and his "comrades". Ahahahaha shit, it hurts.

I wanted to write a nice coherent review for this highlighting the things I detested and the things I could bear and the things I liked and the things with which I somehow fell in love.

But even after a night's (well, a morning's, really) rest, I am emotionally and psychologically drained and I just don't give two shits.

But!

I will try to at least depict a little of my love-hate relationship for this book. See, it's not that I love to hate it or hate to love it, or that I love it so much I hate it (gag, definitely not), or even that I hate it so much I hate it.

The love and hate have nothing to do with each other, except for those rare moments when they linger together and make me ultimately disgusted and nauseous but strangely enthralled.

I hated the writing, first off, but that marginally improved as the books wore on, so in this one it was actually quite bearable, if not sometimes pleasant (specifically chapter 57). The last 69 pages were wonderful, and perhaps the first ten before that because everything done with Newt was actually done pretty fucking well. I have a lot of emotions. Somehow I fell deep, deep, deeply in love with some of these characters, Newt included. 

I also loved the way Teresa and Thomas' relationship kind of...rescued/healed/whatever itself. He kind of began to understand what I already did, and that helped ensure it wasn't quite so annoying for me, because his hatred for her in the 2nd book was just..../rolls eyes/. 

I loved all the action-y shit. I love how the series went in directions I didn't expect. I love how they went back to the Maze. Okay, to be honest, "love" for all these is a stretch. The only things I loved about this series were Newt, Minho, and Gally. But especially Newt. Aahahahaha FUCK.

The ending, however, was a large downer. I mean, I get it, it's kind of a "pleasant" ending. Most people dive into the shit that happens after (fo R A REASON!!1 MIND YOU) but apparently Dashner didn't want to do that because that's what nice people do. I mean, I'm not even upset that we don't get answers about what happens to the rest of the word. Well, okay, that's not even remotely true, but it isn't what I'm REALLY upset about it. What I am UPSET about is...will Minho eventually learn the truth about what Thomas' did 

 ? How will this colony work its shit out? Will Thomas end up in a position of leadership anyway despite is like not to? What if they get found? What if a cure ever IS found? 

Uh. I guess that wraps it up? But I really want another book, to answer these questions and other questions AND JUST GIVE ME SOME FUCKING CLOSURE FOR FUCK SAKES. I swear to God, I have an issue about this series and this author especially. It's like I got fucking Stockholm Syndrome about it, that's the best way I can explain my emotions towards it. 

I probably have more to shit on, more to say, other things about which to complain and begrudgingly enjoy....if enjoy is even the word for it, but this is the gist of what I wanted to say.

Fuck this shit, man. Just fucking fuck it. How did this even happen to me.

GOOD
FUCKING
RIDDANCE
!!!!!!!!!!!!!

/angry crying/

Reading this book was like coming home. You know when you read something and it just...speaks to you, and feels so nice, and everything is beautifully done and perfect? This book was like that for me, and also so much more. I adored it, wholeheartedly, and reading it I could tell that it was well-loved by the author as well. Or at least it felt that way to me; maybe I'm ridiculous, I don't know. But the characters and the world building - everything was intricately done, and some things were beautifully subtle, and I love subtle things, things that make you understand plots and characters and this universe the author creates without having to be outlandishly told. Of course, I also enjoy having things screaming and yelling at me.

Chaol and Celaena's relationship was like that for me. As was Dorian and hers, for that matter. This was the most beautifully crafted, most well done love triangle I have ever read in my life and probably ever will read. It's very rare for a love triangle so be so wonderfully done, so...perfectly done. I understood all the feelings everywhere, and would have been happy with any ending. Well, that's notstrictly true; I shipped Chaol and Celaena strongly from the get-go 

I am so so so so sooooooo looking forward to reading more of their story and more from this author. It's amazing to me, the author's story and how it took so long for this book to be published, how she wrote it and posted it and then got encouragement to finally put it OUT THERE out there. It gives me hope that perhaps I can do the same.

Anyway, I missed reading books like this - books with kingdom and magic and love. And GAH the characters were so...themselves, you know? None was like the other; each was an individual. I admire people who can do this with such skill. And also Celaena! I adored her. She was so STRONG, and I love love love LOVE this book because it shows you that a woman can love dresses and court and being pampered and still be impossibly strong, impossibly deep. Ahhhh, Celaena has my heart. And Nehemia! The friendship between the two was gorgeous and real friendship and you hardly ever see that in books with teenagers anymore; everyone's always backstabbing one another and caring only about themselves and not their so-called "friends".

Everything about this book is flawless and perfect and absolutely....astounding. That being said, of course it had faults. For instance, I didn't quite understanding the way timed work; it always seemed like more timed passed than Celaena said, but also less time passed...? That's really just my own idiocy, honestly, but still. 

And the cover?? I mean, don't get me wrong, it's freaking pretty and it ...I don't know. It's different than most covers, you know? Makes Throne of Glass seem like an older book, a classical tale or something, and I love that about it. However, if that's supposed to be Celaena...it isn't really how I pictured her. I mean, a little bit, sure, but...I don't know. It has quite a bit of likeness. (And it looks an awful lot like the author, as well. Hell, it might even be her.)

REGARDLESS, it's pretty. And this book is pretty. Oh, and the map at the beginning is pretty as well.

Yeah, I adored this book, and I suggest every single flippin' one of you go read it.

I really enjoyed this book. Not enough to give it four stars or fangirl crazily about but it...It was really enjoyable. It didn't make me ohmigerrd FALL IN LOVE, but it was good, you know what I mean? It was a nice read and kind of chaotic and lovely and light and fluffy (not fluffy in the lovey-dovey way, but like...nicely fluffed eggs or cake or something, with tinges of burntness and destruction) and I want to read more about these characters.

Mia could be a bit dense at times, but I think that runs in characters' blood nowadays, hmm? She was kind of badass, though, and the shit that went down was pretty great. As for Jeremy and Mia's relationship...I didn't really feel it? I mean, it was cute, don't get me wrong, and I understood WHY they liked each other and stuff, and Jeremy was a pretty sweet guy and they had their moments...but it doesn't PUNCH OUT AT YOU like most romances do in these YA/dystopian/apocalyptic/whatever novels. Which, I guess, is actually kind of a good thing and probably part of the reason why I enjoyed it.

All in all, it really isn't a memorable book, but it is a NICE book. Also I loved the quotes at the beginning of all the parts, especially the one for the segment prior to the epilogue; it's something I say quite often.

And the author is freaking Gorgeous.  G O R G E O U S. 

(for some reason I ship Parker/Quentin shhh SHHHHH)

Ah, I forgot how nice it is to read books that are easy to read. I missed that.

The story itself seemed kind of unrealistic to me. Not because it doesn't happen in real life; it's just that I would never in a million years marry a dude that I barely knew. It was a painful story, though, a nice one. And I give props because the main character's name is Grace and it didn't make me think of Grace from the Mercy Falls trilogy once, so! Sometimes the way things were worded and the way they occurred didn't make any bloody sense to me whatsoever, and I had to read things several times to even semi-understand them. Also, I am a person who fully supports ambiguous endings -- except this one. The last sentence was not a good last sentence, not even remotely. It is a good story, though, I love the way it approaches things.

The entire time you read the book, though, you can tell Grace doesn't really love Michael. I can't believe she even said yes to him, though I understand the why of it. I mean, I understand your loved ones annoy you, but honestly she should've seen it sooner. The breakup seemed a little uncharacteristic, not that it happened but his reaction. I mean, he's been so mature (well....not really) through the entire thing, but throws his phone at her? I mean, really.

Whatever. It was a good book.

Okay, so at first when I started this I was a bit worried it wouldn't be as good for me as the previous book was, considering I couldn't exactly remember the characters all that well - but not to worry, it was damn good, even with the lapse in memories on my part. Considering it's been, like, six fucking years, I remembered a surprising amount, and the little hints and reminders sprinkled throughout the book helped quite a bit. 

Anyway, it was really good. Like really good, especially the last hundred pages. They fucking did it for me. In fact they were so good, I almost wanna give this book five stars, but considering it consistently breaks up the people I want to work together, it can suck my dick. Though reuniting the "martyr and the patron saint" perhaps balances that out.

The characters in this book - never mind the plot itself, and the expert world-building and intricacies in the past and life and the background people and everything- are so well-written and developed and change and grow and maybe sometimes don't grow and are bad, but - there's a real variety of characters, and it's just refreshing and nice and wonderful and I love it.

Unwind was incredibly important to me, though, and therefore this book is as well. I mean, it wasn't just the characters and their relationships with each other and the events they had to go through, or the premise for the story - unwinding people, replacing teeth. It was everything put together and how...what if I lived in a world like this? Would I be one of the kids getting unwound, or would I be one of the people getting parts to replace the teeth I had so foolishly allowed to break? It filled my mind a lot of the time, it's one of those books that sticks with you, that you don't think about just occasionally, but think about constantly, and is somehow always relevant in your life.

This book is important for me, to me. For the world, really. Because I mean as far-fetched as it seems, anything's possible. Can you imagine the world allowing teenagers to be unwound? We'd need the technology first, of course, but are we really that far away from being able to do such a thing? It's scary. And it's neat, of course. Terrifyingly intriguing. So that alone makes this book wonderful, but the way Shusterman goes about it makes it even more so, with the characters and the third-person present tense, everything just goes so well together, works so well. Makes this into a story that is memorable, remarkable, and not just because of the world created in it but because of the way it is done about, and because of the characters and the way their lives are so creatively intertwined. 

So yeah, I love this book. I always will. I can't wait for the next book, thank God I won't have to wait another six fucking years.

on goodreads

These sites are being terribly annoying.

Is a real review really necessary considering this is Sherlock, for fuck sakes?

I read most of this all in a week so I have Sherlock overload, good God. I felt like I was gonna die, honest, but I love Sherlock and Watson and their relationship and the cases and all the other people and yeah, it's classic and it's fucking great. And really encourages equality, which is ironic considering the time in which it was written.

So blah blah blah YAY, basically.

on goodreads

I skimmed through this one because I wanted to know what the hell happened (because I love the characters, especially Dean, and though he wasn't quite enough to get me to READ read, I had to know 'cause I adore him absolutely to DEATH) and the ending was really fucking cute but with the last chapter ??? does this mean another book??? Because, yeah -- No. I mean, I'd look through it and see what happens because, as I mentioned, I love the characters and I'd like to kind of "dimly" experience it, but there's no way I'm gonna really read it. 

Even if the last chapter isn't a promise of another book, it's still a nice way to end it. God bless (semi-?)happy endings.

(Giving a half star more than Nightmare Garden because what I read, I enjoyed better than the 2nd book and it also appeared to be written a little better.)

This is just another example of how my tastes have changed and of why I need a did not finish/gave up on shelf. Don't get me wrong, I love the characters and I guess I kinda love the plot? But I just couldn't get into this one. My tastes and etc have matured since reading Iron Thorn and I just....couldn't do it. I mean, I used to write like this author writes, which is to say that the author writes like a fifteen-year-old. Which, I mean, some 15 year olds can write fucking well, man. I was not one of them. The author tries too hard, I 'spose, which was my problem with Black City, except any hype this book gets is perhaps well-deserved, it just wasn't my thing anymore.

I skimmed like insane because I wanted to know what happened. I wanted to read it, and I wanted to enjoy it, but I was just so tired and exhausted and sick of it and they say not to waste your time reading shit you don't wanna read so I stopped. Plus I just couldn't fucking do it.

The constant repeating of information was endearing at first and then became unbearably annoying. I read about sixty pages and Aoife mentioned at least ten times how she needed to get her mother back and blah blah blah, and they had the same conversations multiple times, and this book probably coulda been squashed down to two hundred pages, no joke. Also she used the same similes over and over, sometimes within the same pages and several times within the same chapter, as when they were in Windhaven and the use of "as if Windhaven was plummeting". 

The journal entries added absolutely nothing to the story whatsoever.

TOO MUCH INNER MONOLOGUE/REFLECTION. CHRIST.

So basically this is an amateurish book and I could see things that I liked and would have thoroughly enjoyed a couple years ago but they didn't do anything for me now and therefore I cannot rate this book high. I enjoyed it at a one-star level but considering I can see the good things about it and know I would've loved it before, I deemed it was two stars because, well, it is good, I guess. For other people, at least.

I'm sorry this is such a dumb review but I am tired as shit right now. I'd like to say one last thing: I adore the characters. They're all unique, and Dean is amazing and Cal is amazing and EVERYONE IS AMAZING I WISH I COULD'VE LOVED THIS THE WAY THE OLD ME WOULD HAVE.

GOODBYE.

4.5 stars

I'm tempted to rate this five stars, but I won't.

....
What do I even say about this book?

I'd like to, firstly, say that I love Warner, I have always loved Warner, I will continue loving Warner, and nothing anyone says can change that. He needs to be a better person -- well, okay. He doesn't need to anything, but if he really loves Juliette, he'd give being "good" a chance. Anyway, I think all the hate for him is ...well, not ridiculous, and I understand it's fictional character, but where does understanding come in? Why do not people stop and think about who Warner really is and why he does what he does? He's messed up in the head, alright? But so is Juliette (and I'll get into how pissed I am about things regarding her in a second). My point is that when a man is abused for all his life -- and Warner is a boy, okay. He's a fucking boy -- and then he abuses others like...what the fuck do you expect? No, of course it doesn't make it right. Of course he needs to atone for his sins and pay for them and actually show some remorse, but that doesn't mean he's a diabolical monster - just like Juliette is not a monster. Cut him some fucking slack.

Which is also why I refuse to allow myself anger at Adam for being such a fucking clingy wuss. Like, bro - a girl tells ya to stop, YOU STOP. But I love Adam, honest I do. But there wasn't much of him in this book and I appreciate that.

I wholeheartedly love every character actually - okay, not every character, but I respect who they are blah blah blah and Tahereh for making them that way. But I especially adore Kenji and James, especially together. Kenji is such a complicated soul, and so good at heart, and - yeah. I love him. A lot. And UGH JAMES!!! He's such a sweet little kid; such a fucking cutie, and I fuckin' adore him.

Now, for what enraged me...just...encompassed me in full-blown rage:

The way they treated Juliette, or at least in the beginning. Maybe it was what she needed? Maybe? But her moping - she was trapped in her head, basically, the way the prose is written is the way her mind works and I know - oh fucking God, do I know how that feels. My brain isn't like that 100% of the time, but a lot of the time I find myself trapped in my own thoughts, slip sliding piling across my skin and the knots in them aren't big enough to keep them from escaping and they're lined with salt and dreams and pains I've experienced and pains I might experience and I forget what functioning means. But in me it's not to the full extent as Juliette. I can get a handle on myself quite well, most of the time it's just background noise. 

But. Anyway. Yelling at someone to get a grip - especially when it's a mental thing that is very hard, if not incapable of control - yelling doesn't help. If someone is hallucinating (i.e: Suffering from schizophrenia) more than likely, yelling is not going to help them any. Or at all. 

It doesn't piss me off now, not as bad anyway, because I'm starting to realize that maybe - hey, they're trying to get her to face reality the only way they know how, not knowing it's more of a....brain-type thing, maybe a disorder if you will, than a choice. But also they take for granted -- they just assume she should automatically know how everything at Omega Point, and in the real world works, but she's been locked up and unable to touch people and yeah it wasn't for her ~entire life~ but practically it was because she was a monster in everybody's eyes and not touching people your entire life and not talking to anybody for a couple years has got to be kinda traumatizing. And yeah she didn't really try for those two weeks to...embrace their lives or whatever, but somebody should've tried harder. And not with yelling! YELLING DOESN'T SOLVE PROBLEMS, says the girl using CAPSlock to get her point across, because she is a hypocrite.

But anyway, I'll love Kenji no matter what, and I respect Castle (as a character, as a well-rounded, full-fleshed character) but they really don't know how to deal with people. Which is weird, considering they actually DO know how to deal with people? How floppy. Aka weird. 

....
I feel like I should delete all of that. I feel stupid, silly. I feel frozen. MORTIFIED. Ha ha.

So, yeah, the best part about these books is that I fucking relate to Juliette so hard. I mean, really, honestly, I have no clue what a life like that would be like, and maybe I can't relate as much as it feels I do, because really I've never experienced any of that - but it doesn't matter because it's a good book and the words flow over my consciousness and skin and I immerse myself so completely into the book/story/everything and it feels fucking great and I recognize the emotions and the phrases are phrases to which I can project myself and --

I just really, really enjoy the experience.

________

**(major spoilers)**

[ I actually threw the book when Adam said Anderson was his father. Like I actually THREW IT, and jumped up from my desk and paced away because fucking Christ, man. Fuckin' Christ.

And then when Warner and Juliette were all over each other in the high 300s - dude. It took me forever to read that scene, like literally forever. I was fucking dying of secondhand embarrassment. Christ.]