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My imported reviews have lost all formatting, I'll work on fixing them.


I am too lazy to shelf all my books  -- because I shelf a LOT, and having to individually select them all on two sites? HA HA NO -- so go for my Goodreads for that (among other) shit.

Currently reading

Jeffrey Lang
Progress: 202/362 pages
The Bone Collector
Jeffery Deaver
John Saul
Shame in the Blood: A Novel
Tetsuo Miura, Andrew Driver
Armed and Devastating
Julie Miller
The Silent Girl
Tess Gerritsen
Blood Vines
Erica Spindler
Supernatural Freak
Louisa Klein
Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell

I just want to forget about this book so it stops hurting.

My stomach is...it's hard to explain what I'm feeling right now because I was reading, and it felt like...I was reading quickly and excited and laughing aloud andit's so gay it's p a i n f u l and I flipped the page and

and suddenly it was over.

And I hadn't expected it to be over. To end just...abrupt, like that. And I guess...it just really really is agonizing? Because I want to know how Cath is going to end Carry On, and I want to...Oh, I don't know. This book was lovely, though, and...God. At the start of it, it was an immediate six-star read/book for me, because I related to Cath so HARD and it felt like she was me, we were we, one, and...then about halfway -- like exactly halfway -- the magic just...died. I stopped relating is what it is, I guess. Maybe it was because I read everything except for the last 140 pages yesterday (mostly after midnight, actually), and so maybe it was just overload? I don't know; but it was just a flare of non-power, and I went to bed in the middle of a chapter, and a when I woke up today and read on...the magic came back, full fucking power. So I still don't know what to rate it. Four stars? It seems with as much as I related and as much as I loved it and how it made me feel...it should have five stars, and beyond and on and on and on...and yet...

I guess it's just that Cath and I started out so strong, and then we just weren't alike anymore. She didn't do things, as time passed on, the way I would have. I mean, obviously there's major differences between us, but it was just like...I was being let down, you know? Like I was being disappointed, somehow, and yet...my expectations were exceeded at the same time? It was a magic experience regardless, okay, but still. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my favourite parts of the book were the Simon series (and fic) excerpts. There was something so...well, magical, of course, in them. But also something that just spoke to me spoke to me spoke. to. me. It was wonderful, feeling like that. 

Also - I fucking loved the references to stuff. Like, this book referenced, talked about shit, that most books, even shows and movies, don't. Like I went to see the new X-Men movie with Kelly, and I was convinced the whole time that Professor X and Magneto were in love. Because that movie means so much to me! It's the movie my friend Olivia introduced me to that introduced me to the world of slash shipping (and how it was acceptable/cool) and fandom in general and is the reason I blame her for all my fucking problems. So reading that meant a lot, because it's the reason why I am a "Fangirl". It's the reason everything's so goddamned slashy for me now. The reason why Simon/Baz spoke to my fucking heart and cut my through in through (in a totally [mostly anyway] pleasurable way). 

It's the reason why I can read this book and Relate.

So, yeah. And the characters, of course, were diverse and astounding and even realer than the realest characters I've ever read, because they felt like people they knew. Wren and Cath felt like me and my cousin, for the most part. The way they love each other, the way they are, is a lot like me and her and...And, I mean, I don't have a Reagan, not like, a REAGAN-Reagan, but...

This book is real, okay. And it's fucking important. I bet there are thousands of people around the world who can relate to this shit so fucking hard. And that's...special. Because it's different than other books. It feels like I can reach in it and pull Simon and Baz out, like that's a real series that we all grew up on, like it's actually a part of us.

It's probably stupid. I probably sound stupid. But for me, it's very very true. Also the writing?? Fucking A.

(I would recommend to: fangirls/boys. everyone, really. especially teenagers who feel lost, or people who aren't lost, people with kids, people without kids, people who are kids at heart or actually are, people who are people, people who are grown up and not, people who are people, people who want kids, people who don't want kids. people who want to understand and want to be understood. P E O P L E !!!)