hystericalcheezit

Dude, that synopsis is almost exactly the same as [b:Anna Dressed In Blood|9378297|Anna Dressed in Blood (Anna, #1)|Kendare Blake|http://d202m5krfqbpi5.cloudfront.net/books/1317793801s/9378297.jpg|14261925].____the adventures of reading snow white sorrow“Thanks for pretending to be my date.”“It’s unusual how a good looking guylike you isn’t much into girls,” Lucy saidas she sipped strawberry juice from astraw. “Are you gay?”“No. I’m a half—angel—“Lokistopped, almost biting his tongue. Hewasn’t supposed to tell anyone about hispast, which ironically he couldn’t evenremember. “I’m a vampire hunter,” Lokisaid a little louder, hoping she didn’tnotice what he had just sad.“Does that mean there are no gayvampire hunters?” Lucy teased him.this is the only redeemable thing so far about this book and i am just no i can't read any further i'm sorry the writing bothers me far too much and the font is so messed up it's making my eyes ache (not that that is the book's fault. whoever made this pdf look like this is an idiot)why are there so many people spilling drinks on each otherthe second chapter is better than the first chapter though. but there's still so much redundancy and redundancy is my absolute least favourite thing in books"she laughed with big pupils" wow what a wonderful sentencesnow white being a vamp is pretty cool thoughIn the beginning, Loki thought he’d beable to park his car in the suburbs andsleep in it, but he was wrong. Houseowners mistook him for a creep orintruder and woke him up in the middle ofthe night, prompting him to leave. Aninety-year-old woman accused him ofbeing a peeping tom. She tried smashinghis window with a frying pan as the restof the neighborhood threw eggs at him. Hehad lost his money to a hole in his pocketthat day so he didn’t mind the raw eggs.They tasted good as long as he lickedthem from his face and not from theground.ohoka y no im done i cant read anymore though tbh im not even reading im skimming im on chapter three and i just no no nooooooope i dont have time to waste my life away reading this. it'd probably be funny if it wasnt so annoying. __________kind of half review timeConsidering I only got a minuscule amount of pages into the third chapter, this isn't going to actually be much of a review. But. It kind of reminds me of The Iron Fey series, in a way - the experience, I mean. Because The Iron Fey is so stupidly written and it's annoying but it's annoying in a way that if you can get over it and through it and just deal with it, it's actually quite enjoyable. I'd bet you a buck that if I powered through, I could actually learn to half enjoy this. So all in all, this book really isn't that bad and I'm not going to be too harsh just because I haven't the time for mediocrity (if that's what you can even call this baloney). The first chapter made me want to rip out my eyes because it was so annoying and redundant and just plain stupid and it should have said Prologue not Chapter One but that's a technicality. The second chapter (I was to intense skimming at this point, why did the 1st chapter seem so damn, unnecessarily long)is why I think maybe it'd be okay if I actually, you know, waded through my headache and heavy sighs and bleeding eyes, I could maybe enjoy it a little. Because I liked the whole party thing (even if there was an excessive amount of drink-spilling going on) and I liked Loki and it was kind of amusing. I may have smiled once or twice. Also Dork Dracula and the above mentioned "can you be a gay vampire huntr" thing (cue: Alec Lightwood references [even though he's a Shadowhunter shhh]). And then I got to where he could talk to animals and my skimming turned into maybe half getting to read a word on a page I was scrolling down so fast. And I also liked his car and his fortune cookie whatever-it-was-I-skimmed-too-quickly-to-really-know thing.The writing, though, was just something I couldn't get over. Excuse me while I open the PDF and flip through for the first example that catches my eye.He’d never been fond of talkingabout her, and it always got colder whenher name came up. Even though he hadn’trevealed her name, the children felt asudden chill fill the air.Excuse the weird indents, I'm copying from the PDF, after all. That's from page 32 which is actually more like page 5 but for some reason the font and indents are really screwy on this PDF sooo (I don't think i's my computer but who knows). Arguably, I suppose this example isn't that bad. Maybe I'm exaggerating to myself and therefore you as well. Maybe I should stop wasting me time with this review. I'm going to put in one more example and then I'm going to continue, I have like two more things on which to remark.To him, home was Heaven wherehe came from and belonged to. this one's just kinda awkward, not really too bard.Did I get into the part where Loki is half angel or something and fell in love with a demon "or so they tell him"? Kinda cliched but, okay, we can get over it. But my problem is this:He wasn’t fond of girls,especially curious ones; in hisexperience, they usually were demons indisguise. He was told he was bannedfrom Heaven because he loved a demongirl, so was he always on high alert.So he doesn't remember it????????? Did I skim too much and miss the part where they took his memories????? Probably. But it continues to bother me. I do like that he doesn't like girls though. Loki is actually likable, that's the problem here. The writing and plot (the latter only somewhat, and more with the backstory than the current plot, after all Snow White the vampire is kinda cool as mentioned before) keep me from enjoying it the way I'd like to. Hence the "will not finish or ever ever ever do again" status of this book which will actually probably lead to me clicking open the PDF a million times every time I get on the computer.In hismind, he imagined slapping her with froglegs across her cheeks until all she couldsay was bbblllrrr—Loki hated frogs, sohe couldn’t think of a better punishment.This isn't bad, just really amusing, so here - laugh.“I am a vampire hunter,” Loki said,still plastering the fake smile on his lips.“What do you hunt?” she asked again,eager to make conversation.Loki couldn’t believe how dumbMinikins were. “Beetles,” Loki tilted hishead, wondering why she didn’t laugh andleave him be. He’d been unshadowed foralmost a year now, and if there was onething he’d learned about Minikins it wasthat they hardly ever picked up on verbalsigns. You talk politely to some, hintingthat you want to be left alone, and theyjust never get it.first part is copied because - amusing. Second part is because...if he knows that the Minikins don't get verbal cues, why in the world would he be surprised that she doesn't leave him be???? Inconsistency within the same goddamned paragraph, you see why I am aggravated? Well, annoyed really. If I was aggravated I wouldn't be able to write this. Actually...maybe being pissed is what makes me able to write this.WHATEVER. THIS ISN'T PSYCHOANALYZING-AND-DISCOVERING-THINESELF-TIME. He dreams of frogs kissing him, by the way. And he's terrified of frogs. See what I mean? It's good and interesting and then you read it and it sucks. I wish I could get past it.Okay. Now to sum up with the last things I wanted to say:This book is kind of like a children's book, but it's suppose to be YA right? But the way it's written reminds me of the way children's books (as in: books like Kate DiCamillo's [though hers are much much better] versus "Duck Not Afraid of the Dark") are. Except it isn't a children's book because Lucy (who I like, I think) and Dorky Drac in Carmen (Loki's beautiful yet crappy and very intelligent apparently I'm not sure) car. Which, poor car, having teenagers that aren't Loki feel each other up in it (though Loki, to be honest, probably doesn't get lucky very often).The summary leads you to believe this book will be amazing. I thought it was going to be amazing. Perhaps I am inferring the writing wrong and it is written like, frankly, shit on purpose (kind of like other books I have read). Maybe I just don't have the correct attitude to appreciate that anymore. Perhaps I am a major bitch (hint: I am), but my taste, in my opinion, has improved drastically and I just can't waste my time reading something I don't like no matter how damn badly I wished I liked it or how damn badly I wished the writing was something I could enjoy or how damned badly I like Loki Blackstar.(I'm going to end up finishing this one day, more than likely. Or maybe not. I can't decide.)What really makes me angry is that how can a book like this even get published unless the prose is purposely a joke? It's supposed to be "lightheartedly" redundant and all that? It's supposed to be crappy? FUCK, I want to like it but I CAN'T DO THIS SHIT. It's too much. And I say that's what really makes me angry but honestly the reason why I am so upset is because I wanted so very very badly to like it, and I want so very very very badly to get through the general Suck Factor and just enjoy Loki and who he is and what he does and Carmen especially. But it just ain't gonna happen, brah.**note: oh look in the first quote I copied it says he can't remember his past (ironically at that) so pleasantly disregard my fretting over his not-remembering-loving-a-demon-at-fifteen-and-being-banished-thing that bothered me so, thank.**